opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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