U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
