I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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