the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
zippers are such a cool invention
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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