The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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