you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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