dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
