So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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