the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
