Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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