This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
