Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
