Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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