y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
