she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
