If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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