By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
