If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
