She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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