hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
