Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
