I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
