All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
