I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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