found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
