I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
