I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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