did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
