My nipple is on Facebook.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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