This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
