$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
