As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
