i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
