I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love accidental penises.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
