I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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