He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
