Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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