Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
