i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
