I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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