Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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