Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
