its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
