i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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