i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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