Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
