Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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