Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
