i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
MIDGETS
????
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
