my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
