im drinking this country out of the recession.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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