imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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