So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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